Make room for yourself

Do you know very well what someone else needs and do you easily respond to that? Sometimes because that person asks you to and often because you do it yourself. That feels good to you, you like doing it. Yet you also notice that it has become a kind of automatism to take care of others.

Attention seekers and attention seekers

I find it insightful to realize that we all develop thought and behavior patterns in our lives. We often benefit from it, because it means that you don't have to think all the time about how you're going to do something. Unfortunately, a pattern can also have a negative effect on you. It then causes you to become exhausted and stressed. Or that you feel empty and there is no time or space for yourself anymore.

That's why it's good to know where your attention is drawn to or where you would like your attention to go. I call them attention eaters and attention givers. What are yours?

If you understand what you are doing, where much of your attention is drawn, then you will also know better what you want and can do differently and where your limits lie.

Put yourself in the foreground for a moment

Astrid gained a valuable insight during one of the coaching sessions: “I see that I often put myself last. I feel like I am in the background, because I put everyone else in the foreground. Now I also understand why I have so little energy and do not indicate my boundaries. I simply do not have them. Time to change that and ask myself more often what I want, what I want to give my attention to in a positive way.”

I always say: invest time in your attention-seekers and invest in self-care. Do what is important to you! What helps is to ask yourself once a day how you are doing. Very simple, just like you often ask others. You put yourself in the foreground by asking and feeling: 'how am I doing?'

Take up that space

If you know better how you are doing, you also feel what you need, what you need, without only thinking about the other. To create space for yourself, so that you do not give it away completely to others. Because you know, if you do not take up that space, others will fill it. So make sure that you also have enough space for yourself. By making it bigger, there is enough for everyone and it also feels better for you.

Question for you:

What space can you create for yourself?

This can be literal, such as creating your own space in the house or by making a relaxation list. Or figurative space by indicating your boundaries or asking for help. Or be quiet more often or seek peace by going for a walk alone.

💡 Tip: Realize that having more time and space for yourself does not mean that you have no time and space left for others.

If you want to read more about this and get to know yourself better, read on in the PosiYou InspirationDoBook 2. This blog comes from chapter 1 'Protect your big heart', in which you map out what a good balance is for you, in terms of attention, rest, time and space. So that you create more space for yourself.

The author: Yura Boerma

Yura from Happlify crew member PosiYou is one of the first coaches to join Happlify. It is the go-to if you are looking for more control over your life. Yura's blog posts >